The Definition of Toddler

Dear Merriam Webster,

I am a bit confused by your definition of toddler. According to your online dictionary, toddler is “one that toddles; especially : a young child”. Obviously, whoever came up with this definition has never spent much time around one. As a mom to a 2 year old, I can think of better phrases to describe the word instead of “one that toddles”. Here are my suggestions for consideration:

  • “one that throws tantrums so loud they pierce your eardrums”
  • “one that acts like an idiot in public and causes humiliation to parents and pains everyone around”
  • “an extremely effective form of birth control”
  • “a little person who wants  control at all times and if you try to stand in his or her way, you may be injured by flailing limbs”.

I appreciate urban dictionary’s definition of toddler, it reads:

“Tiny bipolar humans under the age of 3, who can swing rapidly between endearingly cute antics and screaming, kicking, biting fits of rage. Completely unpredictable and often unintelligible lovable little walking blessings/nightmares disguised as tiny human beings with giant heads. Prone to selective hearing and repeating overheard curse words at inopportune moments. More dangerous when traveling in packs. Evolutionarily speaking, it is ridiculous that humans have the ability to reproduce fast enough to be the parent of more than one toddler at a time.”
Now that is right on the money! Please take note and edit your definition appropriately.
The Unemployed Mom

Disclaimer: I love my son very much, he is such a blessing. His behavior yesterday pushed me to write this! Of course today he is being a cuddly little bear and I should feel guilty about publishing, but I do not.  🙂

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