One And Done

Picture 1I find it strange that whenever I mention my son will be an only child, people give me the dirtiest looks and lecture me as to why he should have a little brother or sister. Why do people insist they know what is best for my family? My husband and I decided years ago that we only wanted one child and we were married almost 10 years before our son came along.

Also, why is an only child stereotyped as being a spoiled brat, bossy, selfish, lonely, etc.? I can tell you I know plenty of children with siblings that also fit those descriptions!

My philosophy is this, if God wanted me to have more than one child then He would have blessed me with twins. I am perfectly content with my little boy, he’s such a blessing! I honestly couldn’t imagine trying to take care of another baby, this little guy requires all of my attention. But, before people start emailing me that I will adjust…that is not the reason I do not want another child.

My husband and I have a very active lifestyle and find it rather easy to maintain with one child. We are enjoying introducing our little guy to the things we love to do, especially traveling. We do not want him to be spoiled rotten, but we do want him to have a fascinating life! Also, education is EXPENSIVE! I am still paying student loans and the sad truth is, college tuition increases yearly (I cannot even imagine what it will be in 17 years)!

Are you part of the “one and done” club? If you are an only child, has it been tough growing up without any siblings?

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9 Thoughts to “One And Done”

  1. Not a parent yet but when that day comes I am planning on only having one baby. My husband was an only child and as a kid got alot of “oh you must be so spoiled” which was hard for him b/c it was not at all true. My parents both worked full time and had 2 kids, one right after the other. Because they were busy and stressed we were more likely to be sedated with a new toy. Where as my husband had a stay at home mom who would not bend easily to his every whim.

  2. Joyce

    I get the same look when I say we’re done after two boys. I always get the “are you going to try for a girl?”. I should tell them that we did…twice. But I get so sick while pregnant that it’s not a lot of fun and this last time I almost lost the baby b/c I was so dehydrated. So Jessica, I understand and more power to you for standing up for youself!

  3. Jennifer

    I keep going back and forth on the subject. I love being able to focus completely on Megan. She gets all of my attention and I don’t feel that she will grow up spoiled. She’ll have friends to play with and my husband is a big baby so she’ll have him as well. Part of me wants to give her a sibling because as we get older, I would hate for her to be the only one bearing the burden of taking care of her elderly parents. I have a brother and once my parents are gone (knock on wood that it doesn’t happen for a very long time) I will have my brother to lean on. He’s the one person I’ve shared my life with the longest. If I still don’t want another baby by the end of next year, then that’s it. I’m not having another one.

  4. cheri Schick

    I grew up as an only child and loved it. My parents made a great effort to see that I wasn’t spoiled. Although I did miss having siblings at times, I got to pick a friend to go with us on family outings as I got older. I miss having a sibling more now that my parents are gone, and although I didn’t have a sibling to help make decisions about their care as they got older, I also didn’t have anyone to argue with about those decisions! Just because you are siblings doesn’t mean that you will get along! I had 2 children 20 years apart so I raised 2 only children and they are both wonderful adults!

  5. I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business how many children you and your husband decide to have. If a couple decides they simply don’t want any children, so be it. If a couple decides to stop at one or have a vaginal clown car with 20+kids – it’s in the realm of their reproductive rights to make such decisions.

    That said, I will tell you this. The downside of no siblings is just as mentioned above; after the parents are gone the child is left with little to no family – depending on how close the child is with extended family like cousins, etc. Consequently, the only child’s chidren will only have a chance at having cousins if the only child marries someone else that isn’t an only child. I personally had a lovely childhood with my cousins as some of my best friends. My summers were filled with slumber parties, hide and seek in corn fields, Fourth of July carnivals and picnics – all with my cousins. If my mother had not had her siblings, I would not have had those experiences. So I thank my grandmother, God rest her soul, everyday for giving me the opportunity to have those fond memories.

    This of course, is not said to influence you one way or the other. It’s not to judge your decision to only have one child. It’s just a slightly different perspective.

    I still say it’s still completely your business and not one anyone has the right to give dirty looks about.

  6. Also, to add one more point, it is not just the one and done club that gets judgmental comments and looks. When I was having my third child (fourth when including my step-son) comments were made which I’ve always found quite insulting.

    “Don’t you know how this happens?” This question simply implies that I am reckless in my sexuality and have no idea how to be an responsible sexual adult.

    “Another one, don’t you already have three?” After being asked this I always wanted to ask if my womb had use limit stamped on it that I was unable to see.

  7. Parent of an only child

    I had one child and I often got those “what’s wrong with you” looks because of it. People need to realize that some things should be off limits. It wasn’t my choice to have just one, I would have loved to have another baby, but God didn’t bless me with another. Medical issues prevented me from having other children. When people asked why I didn’t give my daughter a brother or sister, it broke my heart because it brought up the painful fact that I couldn’t have anymore children. My daughter was not / is not spoiled. I think at times she was lonely growing up, but she had cousins to play with and it kind of gave her an appreciation for being an only child. She enjoys her “alone” time now.

    Bottom line is, unless a person offers information about their personal life, one shouldn’t ask.

  8. We are “one and done” too. I’d love to have another kid, but my husband is not up for it, and daycare is expensive. Our preschool bill is higher than college tuition. There is just no way we can do it. There are a lot of personal reasons for being one and done, and yeah, it’s nobody’s business. It’s irritating to deal with people who question our decision, but it’s our decision to make as a couple.

  9. […] like this reconfirm my choice of being the “one and done” club […]

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