Today marks 6 months since we said goodbye and not a day passes that I do not think of you. I miss the way you’d recognize when I was having a tough day and press your face against me and make me forget. I loved cupping your little face and gazing into your big brown eyes and kissing your snout. When it storms, I think of how you’d tremble and need to be comforted. I pass familiar spots where we shared memories and my heart smiles and aches at the same time.
I miss our walks and watching you prance like a grand champion, the sound of your claws against our brick courtyard and most of all, hearing the laughter from my little boy as the two of you played together. I know you didn’t like sharing me, but it all worked out in the end because you meant the world to him. He still cries about you and wants to find a ladder long enough to reach Rainbow Bridge so he can bring you home. He put an envelope under our Christmas tree addressed to you and asked Santa to deliver it. Santa did, it is tucked inside the bag which holds your little box of ashes.
I feel somewhat guilty that he never had the chance to say goodbye, only heard you were gone. He saw you before I took him to preschool, then learned a few hours later you had passed away. Perhaps I reacted too quickly to take you to the vet, but I was trying to spare everyone the heart ache and you any extra pain. I thought I was strong enough to do it all alone, but some nights I cannot sleep and I relive those final moments. Driving there, forcing my feet to walk into the room, holding your face as your eyes closed and you took your final breath. I was at peace when you closed your eyes knowing you no longer hurt, but that’s when reality truly set in. You may be gone, but your memory will live on forever!
This quote sums it all up, “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” ~ Roger Caras
For those who have lost a fur baby, here is an important (and touching) message from the Petco Foundation:
